the sound of his voice, it never got old

If you need to leave me a message, here is fine. Thanks.

Mr. Soze has been home for the last few months, living out his old life again, just like he dreamed of.

( But things are about to change )

The next week.

( Even without the link, you're poisonous for him. )

( In the middle of the night, he hears humming. )

Because I haven't posted in ages...

Post here, and I'll tell you what Soze thinks of your character!

Lyrics Drabble Meme- Check it Out!

I'm going to be out of town from Thursday morning (May 29th) to Sunday, June 9th with limited to no internet access.

:( ♥

Just a heads up. I'll miss you guys!

Life has been quiet. Life has been suffocating. He's been dealing as well as he can, but still, nothing feels complete anymore.

( Today he has a dream-- or a memory-- that belongs to Jeff. )


In the morning, Soze gets up and washes his face for-- he doesn't know-- maybe an hour, just standing in front of the bathroom mirror and running the washcloth over his forehead and neck. He closes his eyes but doesn't consider going back to sleep. It's been weeks since any direct memories have crossed over.

When he snaps out of it, finally, it's past nine'o'clock, and he realizes he's going to be late for work. He calls in sick instead, voice raspy enough to fool them (but he hadn't been crying, had he?), and slips on his jacket to take a walk.

He doesn't make it to the door, though. He finds his new sofa and lets himself collapse on it, numb. It takes another twenty minutes before he gathers the energy to grab the old newspaper by his feet, which he does, propping it against his lap. From there, he reads.

So much for keeping a clear head.

Soze took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Feels the situation is hopeless. Strongly resists ..." Click here to read the rest of the results.

( The timeplot begins )

jeff's okay. he's back and safe. the threat's been neutralized, and no one's dead. i want to thank all of you for your support.

You go to bed. You dream. You wake up like every other morning, only this time, part of you feels like it could be crazy.

Soze spends the day looking for Jeff, following the vague not-quite signals from their bond and finding nothing. It's like he's vanished from the multiverse, vanished from everything, and now all that remains is a false presence that could very well be standing behind his shoulder but never is.

The world is starting to feel different on his end. Blurry. Discolored. Time crawls at an impossibly slow speed. The hours feel like days.

And then there's the sleep, the tugging behind his eyes that pulls him in, again and again, just when he starts to lose focus. He's slept all night, but it never goes away. He closes his eyes, he blinks, and there are only dreams. Worlds and worlds of dreams, just beyond his perception and never quite whole...

And then there are images of Jeff, inside a mirror

inside, but not

a thousand threads

and

He makes it partway to the sanctuary before the wave of sleep comes again. He just barely manages to catch himself on a bench. He breathes, sharp and irregular, and wills himself to stay awake.

Something has gone very wrong with Jeff.

Part of me sees me coming out of this all right.

What can I say. I finally have enough songs to form a coherent character soundtrack.

So here we go! Download, tell me what you think, and let me know if I made any mistakes with the links. ♥ I hope you enjoy.

Steam Rising (And Falling Again)
1. John Ottman, The Usual Suspects- Verbal Kint [download]
2. Murder By Death- The Devil in Mexico [download] [lyrics]
3. Chevelle- The Red [download] [lyrics]
4. The Rolling Stones- Sympathy for the Devil [download] [lyrics]
5. Radiohead- The Trickster [download] [lyrics]
6. Link 80- Verbal Kint [download] [lyrics]
7. Murder By Death- The Desert is On Fire [download] [lyrics]
8. Scissor Sisters- I Can't Decide [download] [lyrics]
9. Muse- Butterflies and Hurricanes- [download] [lyrics]
10. Murder By Death- That Crown Don't Make You a Prince [download] [lyrics]
11. Fall Out Boy- This Ain't a Scene, It's an Arms Race [download] [lyrics]
12. Eliza Lumely- No Surprises [download] [lyrics]
13. Murder By Death- A Masters in Reverse Psychology [download] [lyrics]
14. PANIC! At the Disco- Camisado [download] [lyrics]
15. Murder By Death- One More Notch [download] [lyrics]
16. Korn- Let's Get This Party Started [download] [lyrics]
17. Murder By Death- Raw Deal [download] [lyrics]
18. John Ottman, The Usual Suspects- Keyser Appears [download]

( This must be what happens when you get to the bottom of the pecking order, he told himself )

Now that he's eating again, finally, he can no longer afford to stay locked up in his room. Most of what he kept in his refrigerator has run out or gone bad, and so he only lasts a week on what's left over.

If you're looking for him, maybe you can find him-- every week or so-- ducking in and out of the aisles of some of the lesser known Nexus supermarkets. He's physically in better shape than the last time he was in public, but emotionally, little has changed. He's been taken down a notch, and it shows in his sluggish movements and the way he walks with his eyes to the ground. He wears an old, gray, hooded jacket in hopes that it'll take longer for people to recognize him, but for the magically inclined, his aura sticks out like a sore thumb. It seems only half there, somehow, trailing off into nothing where it shouldn't.

Of course, he never stays out for very long-- on his way out, he PINpoints away before he even reaches the exit-- but he's still around, from time to time. Maybe you'll run into him.




((THNMY! feel free to leave a tag here, and each new thread will be treated as a different day/meeting/whatever. tagging will be a little slow because of school, unfortunately, but i will do my very best!))

1) Make a list of 10 characters.
2) Assign each character a number.
3) Without telling anyone who's on the list or the character's assigned number, get questions from your flist about what they'd like to know about them. (IE: "If 3 and 4 were trapped in a cave together with only a blanket and a toothpick, what would they do?" (The more random the better!)
4) Post the answers and who was who on the list.

He still hasn't left.

It's been four days, now, that he's kept himself hidden away in his apartment. He doesn't sleep much anymore, and when he does, he wakes up on the floor with his limbs shaking and a throbbing headache. He feels bruises on the back of his head. His palms are covered in cuts from fingernails that don't belong to him (but sometimes do), and his knuckles are welted from pounding the walls and floor. His throat is raw from screaming.

It was bound to fall apart. One month being hunted. Four months dead. Three weeks without a real identity. Five months in total as nothing at all.

(Because you see, what he is right now is no better than being dead.)

It was after Nick invaded his soul that his world collapsed. When he woke up from it, he slammed his own hand (and so Jeff's hand) in the door and ran. The pain was enough that everything that followed was a blur. He can only remember Jonathan and his canister, and the way his hand jerked irregularly, betraying him, when he fired his gun into nothing. When he snapped out of it, finally, lying on the sheetless bed in his apartment, the hand he had crushed hours before was only bruised.

He didn't know how he escaped.

So much for staying calm. So much for planning his way through this. Something snapped that night. The walls are filled with holes. The furniture is broken. His body is shaking. And now it's official. Extra, extra. Keyser Soze has completely lost control. Keep an eye out for updates.

He isn't eating, either. At first it was accidental, but now it isn't. It's less obvious than causing physical damage, he tells himself through the cloudy haze of his mind. People are less likely to drag him off and pump him full of sedatives for Jeff's sake. He can keep his freedom-- or what's left of it-- and he can still fight back.

He feels like his body is rotten inside. His head bursts into sudden, inexplicable pain, and he can hardly walk in a straight line anymore. The only thing that keeps him going is the knowledge that Jeff is suffering along with him. He reminds himself of this fact, again and again, murmuring out loud so that he can hear his own voice.

Sometimes, though, to his horror, he wonders if it's the right thing to do in the first place.

Soze doesn't often leave journal entries, especially ones that are public, but today, he makes an exception.

If this is the road to redemption, I'm not taking it.

And then a few minutes later, he adds, locked to himself.

I think I'm losing my mind.

Today he doesn't leave his apartment for his usual cup of coffee. He doesn't leave it at all.